Today is the first day of my life being Alone! I'm writing this on the 14th. of April, 2010, 5:00 am...My Nikita died at 9:50 pm on the 13th. of April, 2010!
Last night I had to decide to either keep my companion alive or to let her pass over without any more pain.
Above is a pic of my 'coastal tundra wolf', she has been with me since she was 5 1/2 weeks old, and during her time alive, gave people of all ages her calmness and charm. Now most people will say that she is not a full wolf, but what do they know, they were not with me when I crawled down into her den to remove her and her 5 brothers and 1 sister. No one was there to see their mother, [who was a black coastal tundra wolf], had been shot and left by the entrance, nor did they searched like I did for the father...people can say what they want, for I know better.
Nikita, was a most loving animal in her right, with me, her kisses very rarely came, no licking on my face, just my hands..but to my sons ..well that was a different story. To my oldest, she had a special bond, from the moment she heard him come home, she greeted him with howls, and kisses to his face and the special greeting of baring her teeth. She loved him a lot, she played rough and tumble with him and will be missed by him, now on the other side came my youngest, she had decided that he was her pup, and every morning when she woke up , she would walk into his room, jump up onto his bed and give him 'kisses' until he got up. She gave to my boys feelings that lead them to get their own companion.
When we, Nikita and I lived on Vancouver Island before we came to Calgary, she and her brother Lobo [who has been dead for more than two years now], roamed the island as a pack..with Lobo out in lead as many times as he was allowed [for he was a 'beta', guard to the Alphas, Nikita and myself]. For my Nikita was an 'Alpha She Wolf', who from the moment we left our home, her tail was always in a shape of a half moon..this was her way of tell every canine that came close..beware for I'm the leader of this pack!
We would go out everyday sometimes for hours at a time, just walking in the quarry which was behind my place close to Shawnigan Lake , about 27 minutes driving time north of Victoria. This land was about 165 acres in area, owned by certain unions of BC. and opened to the public. In this area was bear, rabbit, black tailed deer and yes 'cougar'. Never seen nor heard of wolves there , not as long as we were living there, however, I have no knowledge of what is there after we left the Island.
I remember the first time I took the 50' lead off of Nikita and Lobo, they were now almost a year old, full of spit and vinegar..it was a most crucial moment I had with them..for it was my fear that once they were unleashed, their natural instinct would be to 'run' never to return to me. Well ..they ran, and ran they did..but it was so exciting to see them 'crisscross' about 30-50 yds., in front of me! Then something took place beyond my dreams..Nikita ..stopped as she crossed the path I was walking on, turned her head to see where I was, convinced that I was still walking towards the both of them, then proceeded to go on her merry way, doing the crisscross. My Wolves accepted me as their pack leader and from that day till my Lobo and now my gone Nikita, never strayed from my side.
I did mention there were cougars in back of my place, well , it was a Sunday morning around 5:00 am, as the sun opened up the day that Nikita came into my room, howling...this never happened before or since for that matter..I got up out of bed and followed her when she lead me to the back of the house to the patio door, which faced the large back deck, over looking the bush behind . Lobo was there already, growling, baring his teeth to a shadow that was pacing back and forth behind the patio blind. I approached the blind , started to open it up when we saw that a female cougar was on my back deck. What a sight..for she was beautiful, not large , maybe a young cat of two years or so, but none the less just bloody beautiful ! She was my first sighting and wouldn't be the last, for she return several times there after, and enjoyed laying out in the sun on my deck.So after the many times of her return, my wolves seemed to calm down, maybe cause they new no harm could come between them and her , cause of the patio door being so thick glass, who knows. Nikita would lay down on the carpet, in a ready position and watch the cat with curiosity, for as long as the cougar remained there.
I know that I shouldn't have encouraged the return of the cat, but ..that's me, never did adhere to society, I used to leave raw meat out on my deck for her..in hopes that she would return...and so she did.
There was one day when the three of us went walking in the quarry , a month or two from the cougar's visits, when Lobo spotted movement about a couple of hundred yards in front of us. I called him back , leashed the both of them up just in case, and sure enough..we saw 3 cats. Two were kittens, and then the mother laying up on a large bolder at least 5-10' from her off spring. Boy..another memorable moment of being on the Island, truly God's country. We never did see them again, nor did that female cougar ever return to visit.
Yes ..you should have guessed it by now that as I'm writing about Nikita I'm trying in my own way to let her go..it has been the hardest moment of my life to say good bye to her, sure I've had other wolves, dogs and other exotic animals all my life but None has touched my heart as my Nikita has, the pain of not seeing her anywhere in my place, just laying there close to me is truely ripping my heart in half.
The injury she asstained several weeks ago had taken it's toil. A neibouring dog, a mixed breed of rot and pit bull attempted to attack her while we were on our morning walk. This dog tried two times before and both times Nikita was the winner of the attack. However this time , Nikita had slipped on a pine cone, spreading out her hind legs, thus causing an internal injury. We left after that moment and walked very, very slow back to my place here in Calgary. For several days , she had trouble doing her normal body functions, and I've learnt from passed problems that a wolf can cure itself without the help of man. I was convinced that she had a muscle sprain, which oddly cured up after four days from that time with that dog. She appeared to be herself again, we went fishing together, we played like she used to, rough and tumble that is, had no problem of eating, or doing body functions, everything was back to normal. Until this past weekend..Saturday morning, going down the back steps of my place, she stumbled!..almost landing on her body at the base of the steps. We walked around the building, to a grassy area, she began to shake..then collapsed on the grass. My first thoughts were that she was having a stroke, for at the end of this year , she would have been 12 years old. After quite awhile she regained her strength, we went back into the house, and stayed there all weekend, except for the time she had to go out for body functions.
It wasn't till monday, that things were not right..her breathing changed, drinking way more water than usual,sleeping for very long periods, just everything seemed wrong! I called a vet to find out what could be happening, even though all of my wolves just saw a vet only to get their shots, but never again..this really was different..the next day , Tuesday the 13th.,I got help and put her in my truck and rushed her to the vet..
..it was then I was told that there was a tumor on her spleen which had probably broke when she did the splits and now has filled her stomach with blood. The doctor made it quite clear that even though he could put her under the knife and repair the damage, she had less than 30% to live a normal life thereafter. I was given the deadly decision of either having her go through the operation, which may or may not be suscessful or to put her out of pain.
I could not bare to see my companion suffer as she was doing so..and so, with a broken heart, I laid my Nikita to rest...........I'll never forget what you gave to me puppy, during our time together, people may think that I'm off track but until they connect with an animal that bonds with them, in the fashion that Nikita did with me, protecting me , just being there with me, doing all kinds of things with me, they will never know how much has been taken from me at that moment she closed her eyes and passed on.
..............I miss you my puppy!